


Stay

by orphan_account



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Adora and Glimmer make up for 6k, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Catra and Glimmer also make up for 6k, Catra being a stubborn bitch, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotionally repressed Bow, F/F, FUCK I mispronounced Melog at first i'm so sorry guys, Gen, Glimbow, God these babies are so sad and stupid, Happy ending in the end i promise, Hurt/Comfort, Lots of talking and sorting out, Major Character Injury, Melog having the only braincell between her and Catra, Razz being a sweet confused old woman, also fluffs, past glimmadora
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-28
Updated: 2020-10-08
Packaged: 2021-03-07 19:35:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 13,650
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26693059
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: What if Catra hadn't come back in time to save Adora?Set after season 5 episode 12.
Relationships: Adora & Glimmer (She-Ra), Adora/Catra (She-Ra), Bow/Glimmer (She-Ra), Catra & Glimmer (She-Ra), Catra & Melog (She-Ra), Catra & Razz (She-Ra), Mara & Razz (She-Ra)
Comments: 11
Kudos: 115





	1. if there was a place

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Chrissy on instagram](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Chrissy+on+instagram).



> Requested by Chrissy !! Thank you so much <3 had a lot of fun writing this !!
> 
> if you're interested in doing the same, go check [this](https://lesbian-arsonist-blog.tumblr.com/post/629325455315566592) out !!

Catra’s made up her mind. She’s leaving.  
  
She _has_ to leave.  
  
But yet, she couldn’t stop staring at the sleeping Adora from above the supply boxes. She just couldn’t. Melog was curled up in Adora’s lap, exactly like how Catra would if she just wasn’t so fucking pissed off at her. For leaving her. For sacrificing herself, again and again.  
  
Her eyes shifted to the blue spell on Adora’s chest. _The heart of Etheria._ Why does she have to carry it? Why is it _always_ her _,_ over and over again? Why can’t it be someone else? Catra watched her almost die just a few hours ago, so she can sacrifice herself for the world. Just so that she could do her “duties” as She-ra. And she’ll do it, over and over again, and Catra—  
  
She can’t keep watching it happen. She just couldn’t.  
  
If Adora keeps choosing the world over her, then she can choose not to watch her do it.  
  
_What kind of selfish shit is that, Catra?_ A voice says in her mind. _You expect Adora to choose **you**_ _over the world? Over the whole fucking universe? Nobody is going to choose you even if the world wasn’t at stake. Get over yourself._  
  
_Then I can leave, right?_ She the voice bitterly. _I’m not important. Not to her. I’m just a distraction, aren’t I? Adora can choose the world over me all she wants. She can sacrifice herself as many times as she want. I just don’t have to watch it happen. I’m leaving.  
  
_And with that, Catra jumped off from her place, slung her backpack over her shoulder, and walked away.  
  
She’s not looking back.  
  
She’s not looking back.  
  
She’s _not_ looking back.  
  
“ _What are you doing?”_ It was Melog. The cat caught up with her, trotting beside her to level her pace. “ _Come back! Where are you going? Why are you leaving?”  
  
_Catra ignored her.  
  
“Catra?”  
  
She stops on her tracks.  
  
No. _No.  
  
_She began running instead. No, no, no. She’s not going back—  
  
“Catra _stop!_ ”  
  
Adora tackles her to the ground before she could climb on a tree branch. She pins her to the ground, grabbing her ankle to keep her in place when she tried to run away from her. “You’re just going to _leave?”_  
  
The pain in Adora’s voice breaks her heart. But Catra pushed her away, along with her backpack, because she was just _too fucking stubborn and stupid and selfish and she didn’t want to see Adora die when she could choose not to._ “I’m doing you a favor. I’m a distraction, right? Now you can go save the world without having to worry about me _confusing_ you.”  
  
Adora grabbed both of her hands, her expression so desperate and broken that it almost convinced Catra to stay. “No! That’s _not_ true—don’t listen to Shadow Weaver, this isn’t about her—”  
  
_But what Shadow Weaver said was true. She knows it._ Catra pushed her away, strong enough to make her fall on her back. “ _Why?_ Why are you always like this? Why do you always have to sacrifice everything for everyone else? When do _you_ get to choose?” She yells it with everything she has, because Adora _needs_ to hear it. She _needs_ to understand _._ Hot tears pooled on her eyes when she choked out the last sentence. “What do _you_ want, Adora?” _  
  
_“I—”  
  
_Come on, Adora. Say something good. Make me stay. Please.  
  
_“I have to do this, Catra. I’m the only one who can.”  
  
And Catra has her answer  
  
“Then do it.” She wipes the tears out of her eyes, turning away from her. She’s not going to stay—not just to watch her die. “That’s what you want. That’s what you’ll always choose. I don’t have to stay and watch it happen.”  
  
“Catra, please, _stay_.” She looks back, and Adora was begging on her knees—it reminded Catra of the time when she did the same thing to her, begging Adora to come back with her to the Horde years ago. “I _need_ you.”  
  
And Adora didn’t. She didn’t choose her. She never did.  
  
“No, you don’t.” She turns her back at her. “You never have.”  
  
  


* * *

  
  
Catra doesn’t know how long she’s been walking.  
  
It felt like hours, just dragging her feet amongst the trees of the Whispering Woods and telling— _lying_ — to herself that she’d get there eventually. Where, she doesn’t know. Melog was on her side, hovering around her as if she would fall and collapse any time soon. And with no medical supplies, no food, nothing—she probably would. It’s just about time.  
  
But she could keep walking out of spite for herself—that’s the least she could do. She’s not going to just give up and die. Not if she could help it. So, she did.  
  
_“You can’t keep doing this,”_ Melog spoke up. _“Sit down.”  
  
_“No, we—we have to keep walking.”  
  
_“Catra, you’re crazy if you think you’re going to be okay. Sit down.”_  
  
Maybe a little rest would be good. “Fine.” She almost fell head-first into the ground once she gave her body the permission to drop. Her muscles felt like they were on fire—the wound on her arm didn’t help, either. She swore that the next time she saw a Horde Clone, she was going to beat the shit out of them. But then again, she was lucky that all she got was the wound from fighting at least three dozen of those Horde Clones. Sure, it was reckless and irrational of her to do so, but if it meant protecting Adora from harm for the last time…  
  
She would do anything.  
  
Not that Adora would care, of course.  
  
_“Get some rest,”_ Melog purrs, her body towering above her as they guarded her while Catra laid down. _“I’ll watch out for you.”  
  
_“You promise?” Catra wanted to reach up to pet their head, but she was just simply too weak. She couldn’t imagine what she would be right now if it wasn’t for the cat.  
  
_“I promise.”  
  
  
_

* * *

_  
_  
When Catra woke up again, she was in a bed.  
  
A real bed. In a room. In a house—sort of. _What…?_  
  
A part of her thought that Adora had found her for a second, and she almost believed it—but no. This isn’t Brightmoon, and Adora definitely won’t be looking for her. She was a small simple hut, with a bed and a furnace and a few belongings tucked into every corner of the place. There seem to be no one else around—Melog was nowhere to be seen, and whoever owns this place wasn’t around either.

The cold sensation of the bedsheets were somewhat comforting. If only she could go back to bed and just sleep here forever…  
  
No. She has to go. She _has_ to. How could she be so sure that whoever took her here is a genuinely good person? Catra took a shaky breath and placed her feet on the ground. She tried to ignore the nausea rising up inside her when she stood up slowly, holding on the bed frame for support. She has to leave.  
  
And that’s when the curtains opened.  
  
Catra jumps back to bed in surprise, staring at the old woman that’s standing on the door of the hut. For a quick second she thought of dashing past her instead, but then the woman spoke up, and her body tenses up in fear, not wanting to trigger any aggression between them. That was the only possible way she could escape safely—Catra learnt that the hard way.

“Oh, good, you’re awake!” Her voice is rash and cheerful, as if she couldn’t see how scared Catra was. “I was afraid you were never going to wake up—it’s been three whole days!” She sets her broom against the wall and walks over to the furnace to check on her food.  
  
_Three days?_ Catra wanted to speak, but her throat closed up whenever she tried to. It was as if she was paralyzed. The woman began to approach her carefully, sitting on the edge of the bed while she stayed still in the corner of the room.  
  
The woman gave her a toothy smile. “You’re lucky your cat led me to you just in time. I was almost sure that you were dead if it wasn’t for her.”  
  
“Melog,” Catra managed to stutter. “Where—where is she—?”  
  
“Oh, she’s fine—she should be around hunting for dinner, somewhere. A good cat, she is. Very helpful. You’re very lucky to have her.” She stood up to check at her food again. “Would you like some Pie, Mara?”  
  
“I’m not Mar—” Catra began, but she realized how it was better if she just left the old woman thinking that she was someone she’s not. It would be easier to escape from her that way. A crazy old lady living alone in the middle of the forest? It was about time that she turns out to be a serial killer, waiting to use her as an experiment.  
  
“Come and eat something, dearie, you look as thin as my broom.” The old woman chides when she didn’t respond to her question. She placed a steaming pie on the two-seated table in the other side of the hut, patting the table in front of her. Catra couldn’t say no to that, no matter how suspicious the old lady was—she was starving, anyway. All her survival instincts were thrown off the window as she joined her to eat.  
  
“So… what’s your name again?” Catra tried asking her. She wouldn’t be surprised if the old lady didn’t remember her own name.  
  
The old lady laughs instead. “Oh, Mara, don’t be silly. You know my name! I’m Razz, remember?” She says, shaking her head. “And you said _I_ was the crazy one. Must have been that fall at the woods, huh?”  
  
_Razz_. Catra made a mental note not to forget that name, if she wanted to play along well. “So, Razz… how did you find me?”  
  
“I told you before, your cat led you to me.” She frowns. “I think you _really_ hurt yourself, dearie—let me see that wound again.” The old woman approaches her and held out her hand too close to her wounded arm, which made Catra flinch away.  
  
“I’m not going to hurt you, now, Mara. Stay still.” She assures, and Catra didn’t know what it is, but something about the old woman made her trust her—even if it was just for a second. Catra let her examine her arm, hissing when she took off the bandage wrapping it. Of course, she didn’t know shit about medic—and when she got wounded from getting shot by one of those Horde Clones, the rational part of her told herself to go back to camp, where Adora was.  
  
But she didn’t. Of course she didn’t, because she was too fucking stubborn to do so. And even if she wasn’t, Adora would never forgive her anyway, for leaving. For being so selfish by making her choose between Catra or _the_ _whole fucking universe._ Catra could never go back to her, even if she wanted to—she had accepted that a long time ago, anyway. And so, here she is. Starving, dehydrated, and barely surviving from a wound in her arm.  
  
“Hmm. It looks like it’s a little infected,” Razz adjusts her glasses. “You should get it cleaned.”  
  
“How?” Catra asks.  
  
“There should be a river if you walk down that path,” She points to the small path through the woods. “You can eat when you come back.”  
  
“But—wouldn’t it hurt?”  
  
“Just a bit, Mara, it’s nothing to be terrified of. Silly girl.” Razz pats her head a little too hard. “Now go! And oh, bring that smart cat back with you! They should be done fishing by now.” And with that, she shoved Catra out the hut.  
  
_That was a little weird_ , Catra thought, but walked along the path to where the river was supposed to be anyway. When she finally saw the clearing, Melog was fishing with a small basket on her mouth. Their ears perked up when they saw Catra coming out of the woods.  
  
“Melog! Hey,” She laughs when the cat tried to jump on her. “Be careful, you might hurt me there.”  
  
_“You were asleep for days!”_ The cat tells her. _“I thought you were going to die.”  
  
_“I know. But I’m okay, now. Thanks to you.” Catra smiles, hugging her with her good arm. “I just have to clean up a little, now. That Razz woman—she’s kind of… _unusual_ , isn’t she? Do you think we can trust her?”  
  
_“Well, she saved you from dying. And besides, she’s nice to me.”_ Melog says _. “It’s not like we have anywhere else to go, anyway. We should stay.”  
  
_“If you say so.” Catra shrugs. “Thanks for having my back.”  
  
_“I promised you that. I kept it.”_ They purred while Catra scratches their ear. _“All you have to do now is to promise me to never scare me like that **ever** again.”  
  
_“Melog, I can’t promise you th—“  
  
_“—promise me.”  
_  
Catra sighs. She couldn’t say no to that. “Okay. I promise.”  
  
Melog seems to be happy enough with that. _“Good.”_  
  
“I don’t know what I would be if you weren’t here,” She tells them, placing her head over the cat. She didn’t have anyone else except Melog, now—not Glimmer, not Bow, and definitely not Adora. The cat was everything she had left.  
  
_“I don’t know what I would be if you haven’t found me back there, either.”_ The cat says. _“So I guess we’re even now, huh?”  
  
_“Maybe,” Catra smiles. “I love you.”  
  
_“I love you, too.”  
  
_

* * *

  
  
Catra didn’t mean to stay for long.  
  
She wanted to leave Razz and her hut as soon as she felt better, but Melog was right—it’s not like she had anywhere to go, anyway. And so she stayed for the night. And the night after. And the night after, and after…  
  
There was something about Razz that made her comfortable to being around. Catra had been scared of other people her whole life, especially strangers—but Razz was just… _different_. She was an old lady with little to no mental clarity, yeah—but she was also sweet and caring. Her confusion was even funny to her, sometimes. She liked to ruffle her short hair, and loved to pet Melog even more. Wild berry pie was her favorite thing to cook. She didn’t mind being called Mara, either—she preferred it better than “Catra”. She felt like she was a new person that way.  
  
Whoever this Mara is, she must’ve been very lucky. Catra wonders where she is, now.  
  
She had been fishing with Melog again while Razz picked more berries in the woods that day. Sometimes she was scared that the old lady would get lost while wandering the woods on her own, but Razz had been living here for forever, right? Catra couldn’t stop asking herself about how she survived all on her own here.  
  
Or maybe this Mara, whoever she is, was the person taking care of her.  
  
So where is she, now? Did she die? Or did she just left the old woman behind, like how everyone else did to her? A sudden feeling of anger washed over Catra. If Mara really did left, then she’s the one who’s going to take care of Razz from now. The nice, confused old lady deserved more than that.  
  
When she and Melog came back to the hut that afternoon, Razz was poking the ground with the end of her broom. Catra’s heart aches at that—what happens if she and Melog wasn’t here? Would she be standing there, poking at the ground forever? She couldn’t stop thinking about it.  
  
“Razz, what are you doing?” She calls out. “Come on in, it’s almost dark.”  
  
“Mara?” She looks up, then grinned when she saw her. “Mara! You came back.”  
  
“Of course I came back,” Catra smiles softly. “Now come on.”  
  
“I thought you would never come back to me,” Razz walked over to her, patting her head once again. “And you brought a cat with you! How wonderful. Did you come back for the pie? Let’s bake the pie together.”  
  
She shook her head, chuckling softly. “Oh, Razz. I came back for _you_. Where else would I be?”  
  
“Hmm, I don’t know.” The old woman seemed to think about it for a while. Then her eyes light up when she said, “Ah, I remember, you were saving the world!”  
  
“What?”  
  
“You left to save Etheria! Silly girl, don’t you remember?” Razz asks. “You said you’d come back to bake pie with me after, and here you are!”  
  
“I—I don’t—” Catra stutters. Mara left her to _save_ _the world?_ Does _everyone_ leave their loved ones to save the fucking world? “I—I shouldn’t have left you,” She tells her, on the behalf of Mara. “I’m sorry. I should’ve stayed.”  
  
“Ah, it’s not a big deal. You were She-ra—the world needed you.” Razz shrugs. “It would be selfish if I asked you to stay.”  
  
Catra’s eyes widen. _She-ra?_ _Mara was She-ra?_ “What—what do you mean? Razz?”  
  
“You were She-ra! You have duties to attend!” She exclaims. “And I, I’m just a friend of yours, a part that made you human. Being She-ra isn’t an easy task, silly girl, and you know it. Nobody deserves to bear such burden. And you made a choice. A right one.”  
  
_Choice_. Mara made a choice. She chose to leave her. She chose to save the world. It all sounds so familiar to Catra. “But… but Mara _left_ you.”  
  
“It’s not like you have a choice, Mara. I knew that if you could, you’d choose not to.”  
  
_Maybe_. Catra thought about that for a while.  
  
“Help me wash these berries, dearie. Then we can bake the pie together.” Razz grins, shoving the basket full of berries into her arms. She hums along to a song softly while feeding more sticks into the furnace, keeping the fire alive. “I’m so glad you came back for me, Mara.”  
  
“Yeah. Of course I came back for you.” Catra says. There’s a burning anger in her chest, a strong, determined feeling to protect this old woman with her life. If Mara isn’t coming back for Razz, then she will.  
  
“Will you stay, this time?” Razz asks her.  
  
“I’ll stay. Of course I’ll stay.”  
  
  


* * *

  
  
Catra never thought she would ever love her life. But she does, now, somehow—or maybe it was because she had a home.  
  
_Home_. Somewhere she felt safe. Somewhere she felt wanted and loved and cared for. She never had a place like that before—The Horde was _definitely_ not it. The Crimson Waste would have been one, if only she wasn’t too fucking stubborn to admit that she _wanted_ to stay, that she wanted a life beyond just defeating She-ra and Adora. The space ship _could_ be one too, she guesses—apart from the nightmares that kept haunting her while she was there, that space ship was the first place where she felt safe and loved and accepted. But even that was eventually gone.  
  
And for a while, the Whispering Woods was her home—not that she felt even remotely safe or loved in there—but at least, it was where Razz and her hut was. And there… that’s her home.  
  
_Home_. She gets to have a home. She gets to take care of someone and she gets to be taken care of in return. She gets to _stay.  
  
_It was all that Catra ever wanted.   
  
And so, she was happy. _Finally_.  
  
“Are you done?” Catra calls from the side of the river to Melog. “Come on, I’m done collecting the sticks! Let’s go home!” She smiles when she says it. _Let’s go home._ That’s right. She has a home.  
  
_“Just one more!”_ Melog tells her. _“I almost had it!”  
  
_“Hurry up, then! You have enough for dinner tonight, anyway.”  
  
_“Ugh, fine!”_ The cat huffs, leaving the last fish they were chasing behind. They climbed up to the side of the river and shook the water out of their fur. _“Let’s go, then.”  
  
_“Home,” Catra nods, grinning. “Let’s go home.”  
  
She heard Razz calling for her when she got close to the hut. It was as if she was speaking to someone else—but Catra didn’t think much of it. Razz was really old, anyway—she must’ve lost her glasses and thought that her broom was Catra again.  
  
“Mara, is that you?”  
  
She smiled. “Yeah, Razz, it’s—”  
  
“Razz, I told you many times, I’m Adora, remember? Not Mara.”  
  
Catra stopped dead in her tracks.  
  
“Adora?” She heard Razz ask. “No, you’re not. You’re Mara! Now where are the sticks I told you to bring?”  
  
“What sticks, Razz?” It was Adora, for sure—Catra knew that laugh. What is she doing here? How did she know about Razz? This was _her_ home. She stood there still amongst the trees, careful not to be seen by her. Her whole body was trembling in fear and anxiety.  
  
She’s not—she’s not ready for this. She’s not ready to face Adora.  
  
Melog headbutts her back to reality. _“What are you doing? That’s Adora! Go!”_  
  
They were right. Catra climbed onto the nearest tree branch, Melog wrapping their body around hers to make her invisible. She watched them both from her place carefully, unsure of what to do. She wanted Adora to leave. This was her home. She and Razz were doing _fine_ without her.  
  
Catra took a deep, shaky breath.  
  
But who was she kidding. She knew better than to lie to herself.  
  
A part of her wanted to jump down from her place and run to her. She wanted to hug her, she wanted to ask— _beg_ —for forgiveness. For being so selfish. For leaving her. But she couldn’t. She just couldn’t. She was just too stubborn and full with pride to do that.  
  
Besides, it’s not like Adora would forgive her, anyway.  
  
As if on cue, Adora comes out running of the hut, with tears in her eyes. She looked surprised. Dazed. Desperate. Then she began yelling her name into her surroundings. “Catra?”  
  
She almost jumped back out of shock. _How did she know?_  
  
“Catra, I know you’re around!” She yells again, this time louder. Razz was right behind her, asking inaudible questions. “Catra!”  
  
Melog looks up at her. _“Well?”_

“ _Catra!”_  
  
_I’m here,_ Catra wanted to yell back. _I’m here, Adora. I want to come back to you—I just can’t. I don’t know why.  
  
_“Catra! Please! I know you’re out here!” Adora was full on sobbing now—Catra didn’t dare to look at her face. “Look, I know you’re mad at me—”  
  
_—I’m not. Adora, I’m not. I’m just scared.  
  
_“—and I know that you might not forgive me for leaving you, but the war’s over, Catra. The only reason why I wanted to end the war is because I wanted a life with you, and now that you’re gone, I just—I don’t know what to do.” She sighs, running a hand over her hair in stress. “So please. We can—let’s fix this. All you have to do is _come_ _back_.”  
  
Come back. Just few steps towards her—that’s all Catra needed to do.  
  
_You don’t deserve her.  
  
She’s better off thinking you’re dead. You left her when she needed you, Catra—what kind of selfish shit is that? She’s better off without you and you know it. She deserves someone better. You don’t.  
  
_All that Catra wanted to do was protect her. And she’s stupid, and selfish, and irrational enough to think that the only way she could do that is if she just stayed away from her.  
  
_You’ve hurt her enough. Leave._  
  
And so, Catra did. She walked further into the woods, into the darkness.  
  
She doesn’t know how to leave it.  
  
  
  



	2. that I could call home

So she stayed, in the dark.  
  
Longer than she wanted to. Longer than she should have.  
  
That’s where she always was, anyway. Ever since she was a small child growing up in The Horde, even—every time something upsets her, every time she wanted to escape from getting abused or simply wanted to feel safe—the dark is where she ran to. The dark is where she hid. And Adora would always find her, no matter what.

Catra just hoped that she would manage to do it again, now.  
  
_“Are you okay?”_ Melog asks her, wrapping their tail around Catra’s leg.  
  
“I’m okay. I just need some rest, that’s all.” She tried to assure them. The wound in her arm was getting worse day by day. Sooner or later, she’d have no choice but to find Adora herself.  
  
_“But you **are** resting right now.” _They said.  
  
“No, I meant, as in sleep.”  
  
_“No,”_ Melog tells her. _“You won’t wake up if you do.”  
  
_Catra was scared of that, too, but she was tired. _So fucking tired._  
  
Death would’ve been a bliss.  
  
She shook her head, trying to get some sense into her. _No._ She’s _not_ dying. “I’ll be fine, Melog. I’ll be worse if I don’t sleep.” Catra tells her, stroking their fur softly. “You should get some rest too, now.”  
  
_“I’ll watch for you.”  
  
_“You don’t have to.”  
  
_“No. Go to sleep.”_ Melog says, getting up to scour the place around them for the third time that night. _“Just make sure you’ll wake up again, okay?”  
  
_“Okay.”  
  
_“You promise?”  
  
_“I promise.”  
  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  
“Adora, are you sure—”  
  
“I _am_ sure, okay?” Adora exclaims in frustration while she cuts her way through the forest. “It was her. She was there, I _know_ it.”  
  
“Okay, but you know how Razz is,” Bow tries to reason. “She might be hallucinating, or, something. I mean, she calls all of us Mara! She might’ve imagined Catra being there. We don’t know.”  
  
“Exactly. We _don’t_ know.” Adora says. “She could’ve actually been there. She could still be out there.”  
  
“Are you one hundred percent _sure_ she wants to be found?" He asks that question again for what felt like the millionth time. “You know, maybe she still needs time.”  
  
“It’s been _months,_ Bow!” She tells him. “She’s always like this—she wants me to find her. She _needs_ me to find her—it’s been like that since we were kids. I’m _not_ giving up on her this time.”  
  
“So what, you’re just going to keep playing her game? You want to find her only for her to disappear again? Aren’t you _tired,_ Adora?” Glimmer finally spoke up for the first time they went looking. “Don’t you just want to stop all this? You know you’d be better off without her.”  
  
“Glimm,” Bow chides—  
  
“—you’re _fucking kidding._ ” Adora’s eyes widen. “You’re joking, Glimm—are you serious?”  
  
“Well, yeah?” She shrugs. “She left you when you needed her because, what, you’re She-ra? Because you needed to save the world? She wanted you to choose between you and the universe! Can’t you see that’s she’s selfish and self-conceited and—”  
  
“—she fucking _saved_ you, asshole!” Adora yells. “If it weren’t for her, you wouldn’t be here!”  
  
“—guys—”  
  
“—no, Bow, shut up—she needs to hear this,” Adora continued, staring at Glimmer furiously, “you were with her, in our spaceship. You heard her nightmares. You heard her screams. You _don’t_ know what kind of fucking torture she went through when she sacrificed herself to save you. She was ready to _die_ for you, Glimm, and now you have the _fucking audacity_ to—”  
  
“—Adora.” Bow says firmly, his voice calm and clear. “Stop.”  
  
“No.” She took a shaky breath, running her fingers through her hair, “No. You can—you know what, I don’t care. Just go. I don’t need you to be here if you’re just going to talk shit about Catra.” Adora looks up at Glimmer. “But I’d think twice about what I said if I were you.”  
  
Glimmer sighs. “Fine.”  
  
And with that, she walked off the other way.  
  
Silence.  
  
Bow stares at her and the empty clearing where Glimmer went back and forth dreadfully.  
  
“You’re not going to go with her too?” Adora spoke up. “I know you don’t want to be a part of this. That’s fine with me.”  
  
Bow sighs. “Look, Adora, I..." he sat down beside her, “I don’t… I don’t know. You were right—Catra _did_ save Glimmer. But—”  
  
“—If you have nothing good to say, then I don’t want to hear it.”  
  
“No, no, I meant—I _don’t_ know if she’s a good person or not. But I know she’s trying. I’m trying to understand her, too—and if she’s really that important to you…”  
  
“She’s the most important thing for me.” Adora says it without hesitating. “We’ve always had each other’s back, when we were little. I promised her that I’d always be there for her, and I broke that promise, over and over again. That’s… that’s why she left, I think. And I’m trying to fix that, now.”  
  
“And I’ll help you,” Bow assures. “It’s just—how would you know where she is?”  
  
“I don’t.” She shrugs. “But I’ve always managed to find her. Always. I know it doesn’t make senses, but, trust me. _I know_. All we have to do is just keep searching.”  
  
“Alright, then. If you say so.” Bow stood up, holding his hand out to her. “Where should we begin?”  
  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  
Catra’s dreams were always too absurd for her to understand—and to forget.  
  
The fever from the infection is making it worse, she guesses.  
  
She dreamt of running. Adora’s laugh. Grabbing, falling. Adora’s screams. Fire. More screaming. Prime’s ship. Metal. Space. Darkness. Cold. Yelling. Bright, green fluid _. Drowning, suffocating. More screaming. Adora’s laugh. Glimmer and Bow’s chatters. Fire. Shadow Weaver. Magic beams. More running, more falling, Adora’s screams, calling for her name—  
  
“You promised,” _Melog’s voice says. Was she still dreaming? She doesn’t know. She felt like she was trying to swim through those bright, green fluid—nothing make senses. _“You promised me you won’t do this again. You broke your promise, Catra.”  
  
_“I’m sorry,” Catra tries to say—to who? Who was she talking to? Melog? Adora? She doesn’t know anymore. “I’m sorry. I know I messed up. I’m sorry. Forgive me.”  
  
_“You promised.”_  
  
They both left her. Catra doesn’t blame them.  
  
She deserves it, anyway.  
  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  
Glimmer paces around her room. She couldn’t stop. She needs to do it, or she might break something worse than a vase, next time.  
  
Catra was a bad person. She _is._ She participated on a war that wasn’t necessary, hurts her friends and destroyed villages and opened a portal that almost ripped the whole universe in half—what else? There’s so many things that made her a bad person. Adora would be better off without her—she’d be better off not playing her game, chasing after her over and over again. Glimmer knows it.  
  
_But she saved you, Glimmer. She saved you from Horde Prime,_ A doubting voice says in her head.  
  
_Okay, but still—she’s done so much more horrible things than that, right? One good thing doesn’t instantly make all the bad go away.  
  
Right?  
  
_Glimmer sighs. What would her mother say if she was in all this?  
  
She’d probably say something that sounds like, _do you, Glimm? Do you really believe that she’s a bad person?_  
  
_Well, she’s not a good person either, so that’s a start,_ She says bitterly.  
  
_And what makes you believe that you’re a good person, too?  
  
_“I—” Glimmer groans out loud. “God, I don’t know, okay? It’s just that was in the Horde, and she’s hurt Adora _a lot_ —”  
  
_—Like you’ve never done that too before._ She could hear her mother’s voice clearer now, stronger. _You’re acting like people can’t change, Glimmer.  
  
_She sighs. _Fine, so maybe she can change. But it’s my choice whether to forgive her or not, right? For what she did? You can’t blame me for feeling like this. She was a bad person.  
  
**Was**.  
  
Yeah. Was. _  
  
_Just so you know, Glimmer,_ her mother’s voice spoke up again in her mind, _even when you believe that Catra is a bad person so much, she still saved you from Horde Prime. She did it, without hesitating, because she wanted to do something good in her life for once—and it was to save you.  
  
_Glimmer stopped in her tracks.  
  
_Fuck_. _  
  
_Adora was right, wasn’t she?  
  
Glimmer remembered being in Prime’s ship—it was torture, every second of it. The silence, the bright lights, and the isolation—knowing there’s nowhere to run from that place unless it was a suicide mission. Escaping that ship was the best thing that’s happened to her.  
  
And it was all because of Catra.  
  
“For once, do something good in your life,” She had told her.  
  
And Catra did. She didn’t _have_ to save her, she had no reason to—she was trusted by Horde Prime, at least enough to let her roam around the ship freely. She could have destroyed her and Adora and Etheria along with the whole universe if she wanted to—there was nothing stopping her from doing that.  
  
But she didn’t. She chose to save Glimmer instead, even when she knew what it would cost her.  
_  
_ Glimmer continued to pace around the room again, this time slower.  
  
_Don’t you see?_ The voice in her head spoke up again, this time much softer. _She’s trying. She grew up in a place where she was trained to be child soldiers, Glimmer. Not in a place full of affection and safety. And she didn’t have the chance to grow with friends like Adora did, either—sure, she made that choice, but it was simply because she didn’t know any better. But she’s trying to—you know that. All you have to do is **help** her.   
  
Help her. _She needs to help her. _  
  
_“Okay, how, then—how do I help her?” Glimmer asks to herself—they needed to find her, that’s for sure, but… how? How do you find someone that doesn’t want to be found?  
  
At that same time, her door slammed open. A voice squeaks, “—ahh, sorry, wrong room—!”  
  
Glimmer turns to the door, eyes widening. “You!”

“I’m sorry! It was an accident, this place has _way_ too many rooms!” It was Entrapta, riding on her spider-bot… _thing_ , backing away from the door. “I’ll be on my way, now—”  
  
“No no, wait!” She stops her before she could disappear. “I need your help, Entrapta.”  
  
“Help? To what?” Entrapta turns around at that.  
  
“I need your help to… find someone. Can you do it?” Glimmer asks. How Entrapta would manage to find Catra without any leads at all, she doesn’t know. But it was at least worth a try.  
  
“Find who?”  
  
“Catra.” She tells her. “Look, I know this is _really_ weird because I have no idea _how_ to find her with absolutely no clue either, but… I thought you might be able to know?”   
  
“Hmm,” Entrapta seems to think about it for a while. “I might know something that can help, but… are you sure she _wants_ to be found? I mean—she _had_ been gone for quite a while, hasn’t she?”  
  
“Well, yeah, but…” Glimmer sighs. She remembered what Adora said, when Bow asked her if she was sure Catra _wanted_ to be found. _Catra was always like this_ , she had said. _She stays in the dark, waiting to be found, because she didn’t know how to leave it. And I’m trying to help her leave it. I just need to find her first.  
_  
“She wants to be found,” Glimmer decided—she hoped that she was right. “She does—she just doesn’t know _how._ And we’re trying to help her. Just like how Bow and Adora did when you first came back from Beast Island.”  
  
Entrapta nods carefully. “Well, then, if you’re sure…” she shrugs. Her face brightens when she pulls out her electronics from her bag. “Lucky for you, I know just the thing to find where she is!”  
  
Glimmer frowns—she was _not_ expecting that. “You do?”  
  
“Yeah!” She exclaims. “I had a tracking chip placed on all of you when we were on our space mission, and since Catra left before I could take hers off, she should still have it on her right now!”  
  
“Wait, hold on now—you _what?”_  
  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  
Adora doesn’t know where she’s going.  
  
She and Bow might be going on a loop, for all she knows—the Whispering Woods is just simply too big for them, not to mention the whole Etheria. It’s like trying to find a needle in a haystack. And Catra had Melog, too—she could go invisible whenever she wants to. She could be right here for all she knows, watching her go on a loop while laughing.  
  
It’s making Adora lose her mind. “Fuck!” _  
  
_Bow jumps beside her, startled. “Adora? Are you okay?”  
  
“ _No!”_ She was going to cry. She couldn’t do this. “I just… I don’t know, Bow. I don’t know, I don’t know—maybe Glimmer was right. Maybe Catra doesn’t want to be found this time, maybe she just doesn’t want me anymore, maybe I’m going absolutely nowhere with this—”  
  
“—Hey, hey, _hey,_ what are you saying?” Bow says softly, squeezing her shoulders. “You had a promise to fix, remember?”  
  
“I know, but—what if she doesn’t want me to fix it? If she does, she would’ve stayed. She would’ve at least _let_ herself be found—but she doesn’t. So maybe Glimmer was right—maybe I should have just give up.”  
  
“No, no. You’re _not_ doing that.”  
  
“She doesn’t want me, Bow—”  
  
“Yes she does. _She does.”_ Bow says firmly. “She _does,_ Adora.”  
  
“How do you _know_ that—”  
  
“Because if I was Catra, I would want to be found.” He tells her. “Look, I know I’m not her, and know I’ll never know what it feels to _be_ her—but if I was ever in her place, I would want you to come back for me. I _do_ know her, you know—I’ve been her friend, even if it was just for a while,” Bow sighs, smiling softly. “She loves you, Adora. You know she does. And if it was ever you or Glimmer in Catra’s position, I wouldn’t hesitate to look all over Etheria for you guys either.”  
  
Adora took a deep breath. Bow was right.  
  
“So we’re going to find her,” He says, resuming his calm, firm tone, “and we’re going to bring her home. Okay?”  
  
“Okay.” She nods shakily. “But… how? We’ve been circling this place for ages.”  
  
“I don’t know either, Adora, but we’ll… wait,” Bow frowns. “Do you—do you hear that?”  
  
“What?”  
  
“Glimmer’s voice,” He says, grabbing for his bag. “I heard her voice, I—Glimmer?”  
  
“Bow! Are you there?” came Glimmer’s muffled voice. “Bow?”  
  
“Yeah, I’m here!” He exclaims when he got his communication pad out. “What—why’re you calling?”  
  
“Look, I know we have a lot to talk about and sort out, but you have to listen to me first, okay?” She began ranting. “I asked for Entrapta’s help to find Catra, and turns out she knew how to help us. She had a tracker chip placed on each of us when we went on our space mission—”  
  
“—Wait, she _what—”_

“—Yeah, I know, but this isn’t the time, okay? Listen!”  
  
“Okay, okay! Sorry.” Bow flinches. “Go on.”  
  
“Entrapta says the chip was a little damaged, but she could still reach Catra to communicate with her. I’ve been trying to do that for a while, now, but she’s not responding to anything I said.” Glimmer says. “Do you think you can get her to talk, Adora?”  
  
Adora’s heart skipped a beat. _Talk? To Catra?_ “I don’t—I’m not… I’m not sure.”  
  
“Come on, Adora, you _have_ to try!” She exclaims, now in a much more worried tone. “I think—I don’t know what’s wrong with her, but I think she’s hurt, or something—she’s not making any sense when I tried talking to her. But I thought she would respond to your voice because she always knew when it’s you, Adora, so can you—”  
  
“Wait, is she on the other side right now?” Bow asks. “Glimm?”  
  
“Yeah! I mean, I think she is, I don’t know—like I said, she’s not saying anything.”  
  
“Okay, well, can you get us to her?”  
  
“Yeah, yeah, of course I can—wait there, okay? Just one second. I’ll be back.” Glimmer says, and with that, the line cut off.  
  
Adora began pacing in a circle, trying to get her anxiety to wear off. _Talk? Talk to Catra? Just like that?_ She couldn’t do it. What if Catra says no? What if Catra didn’t want to come back to her, didn’t want her to come looking for her, and just… left? Forever? They wouldn’t be able to find her anymore after that, and then Adora would have to live with the fact that she would never see her ever again. She couldn’t let her biggest fear come true.  
  
But yet, here she is anyway.  
  
Her mouth was dry. She couldn’t get anything to come out of her throat, knowing Catra was on the other side, after so long.  
  
Say one wrong word, and she’ll lose her for good.  
  
_“Talk to her,”_ Bow mouthed, squeezing her shoulder gently. _“It’s gonna be okay.”_  
  
Adora drew in a shaky breath for the last attempt to regain her calm. Then, she spoke into the comm.  
  
_“Catra?”_  
  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  
That’s it. Catra was officially losing her mind.  
  
She doesn’t know how long she’s been laying there, in the cold, metal floor of one of the Fright Zone buildings. It felt like days. Melog was nowhere to be seen around—Catra wouldn’t blame them if they really left her. She would have done the same to herself if she were them.  
  
“Catra?” Adora’s voice echoed in her mind again, all around her. First Glimmer’s, and now Adora. Catra hated her mind for doing this, playing tricks on her, making her hope. She hated it. She wanted to rip her brains out if it would make the voices stop for one second.  
  
“Catra!” There it was again. “Catra, please answer me. _Please_ answer me.”  
  
Ah, screw it. If answering those voices will make them go away, the she would. “Adora?”  
  
Silence. Then, a strangled voice, somewhere between shocked and excited, “Oh my god, _Catra!”_ Adora’s voice squeals. “Catra, it’s me—”  
  
“—No, it’s not.” Catra tells the voice. “It’s not. You’re just in my head.”  
  
The voice stopped. “No, no, Catra listen—”  
  
“Why are you doing this?” She asks. “Why do you keep using her voice to make me hope?”  
  
“Catra—”  
  
“It’s not Adora. You’re _not_ Adora.” Catra tells herself, pulling on her hair to make it stop. Her head hurts so fucking bad—it must’ve been the fever. “You’re _not_ Adora.”  
  
_But she sounded so real._  
  
“No, Catra _please_ ,” The way Adora’s voice broke almost convinced her. “Just listen to me. Please. I’m gonna take you home, okay? I promised you that.”  
  
_Home?_ “I don’t—I don’t have one.”  
  
“Yes, you do. You _do,_ Catra—you have me. We’re each other’s homes, remember? You told me that long ago.” The voice kept pressing, desperate and worried, she might as well just give in and believe everything.  
  
“Adora?” She mutters  
  
“Yeah? Yeah, it’s me. I’m right here.”  
  
“I’m sorry,” Catra tells her. Her heart clenches with the pain that made her felt like her heart was being ripped in half. “I’m sorry, Adora. I’m so sorry. For everything.”  
  
“I know,” Adora says, “But it doesn’t matter anymore, now. It’s okay, Catra.”  
  
“No, it’s not—I left you. I was an idiot, and I was selfish, and I know you hate me, but I just— _I want to go home, Adora_.” She’s crying, now, and she couldn’t care less about it. She’d beg to her if it meant she would see her again. “I don’t want to do this anymore, _please_ —I’m sorry. I just want to go home.”  
  
“And you will, okay? _You_ _will_ , if you’d just tell me where you are—I’ll come and get you. Where are you, Catra?” She asks. _“Where are you?”_  
  
“I’m—” Catra tried to take a look at her surroundings, but she was too weak to even lift her head—her limbs felt heavy, her head was throbbing, and the wound—she isn’t even brave enough to look at it. “I’m at the Fright Zone. I think. I don’t—I don’t remember, Adora, I’m sorry—”  
  
“No, no no that’s okay, alright? That’s okay—god, Fright Zone! She’s in the Fright Zone!” Adora exclaims. “Catra, we’re coming, okay? Just hold on tight—are you hurt?”  
  
“Yeah.”  
  
“How—how bad is it, Catra?”  
  
“I don’t—I don’t know. I don’t want to look.”  
  
“Okay, that’s—that’s okay. That’s okay. Just hold on for me. I’m coming.” Adora keeps telling her, over and over again. “I’m coming for you. I’m going to take you home.”  
  
She sounded so real, _so real_ that Catra almost forgets that she’s actually talking to herself right now. Because she’s going crazy. Because she’s dying, and she wanted to believe that Adora was really coming for her _so badly._  
  
_Snap out of it, Catra. Don’t disappoint yourself. Adora would never do that. This isn’t real._  
  
_Maybe not,_ she says to herself. _But at least I can hope—even if it’s empty. It would be the last thing I’d do, anyway._  
  
She spoke up again. “Do you promise, Adora?”  
  
“I promise. _I promise.”_  
  
And Catra lets herself believe it.  
  
  
  
  
  



	3. it'd be in your arms tonight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks so much for everyone who have patiently waited for this chapter !! WOW almost 6k words hkdghfkgjh i rlly went all over the place with this huh,,,, i just . love heartfelt conversations so much it's unreal . ALSO I know ppl have been asking me abt how Adora survived the heart without Catra in this AU and i didn't answer that bc it would spoil the whole thing haha . Anyway !! enjoy <3

Adora didn’t know how long she’s been running through Fright Zone while yelling Catra’s name.  
  
It felt like forever, just running along the empty, abandoned corridors. Adora thought about how this damned place used to be so full of soldiers, chattering, attending duties, going about on their day. And now, it’s all empty.  
  
_That’s good,_ She tells herself, desperate to make herself believe it. _That’s good, right? Now there’s no war anymore. That’s good.  
  
_“Can you get in contact with Catra again?” Bow spoke up. “She could tell us what her surroundings look like—maybe it could help us find her.”  
  
Adora nods. “Catra?” She spoke into Bow’s communication pad, Glimmer waiting anxiously on the other side. _“Catra?”_  
  
Glimmer glances at Entrapta, then back to her. “No, nothing. Her chip is still on, but we’re getting no answers.”  
  
Maybe Catra changed her mind? Maybe she ran away—maybe she doesn’t want to be found anymore. Maybe—maybe she left her, again, after abandoning the chip, and ran off so that she could never find her again. Maybe—  
  
“Hey,” Bow held her shoulder. “Come on. We’re going to find her, okay? She’s there. You heard her—she wants to go home. And we’re going to take her home.”  
  
“Well, she’s answering us, Bow!” Adora exclaims. “What if she changed her mind? What if—”

A loud crash on the end of the hallway interrupted them. Adora and Bow turned their heads towards the sound, but there was nobody there—only a few fallen boxes that seem to be the source of the sound. They both shared one confused look before—  
  
Bow screams. “What the—”  
  
Melog appears just inches away from them, eyes wide.  
  
“Holy shit, Melog!” Adora felt like she could cry. She ran into the cat, hugging them tightly. “Oh my god, Melog, do you—do you know where Catra is?”  
  
Melog’s ears flattened at that name.  
  
Adora didn’t know what she was expecting. “Melog?”  
  
Then, they bit the hem of Adora’s sleeve and teleported her without a warning.  
  
The next thing Adora knew was reappearing with them in a room with four bunk beds lining up in each side. She drops down to the hard, metal floor, dizzy and shocked from getting teleported unexpectedly.  
  
“Adora? Adora!”  
  
“Bow?” She calls back. “Bow, I’m okay, I’m fine!”  
  
“Where are you?”  
  
“I’m in—” she looks around, holding to one of the bedposts for support. It looks like any regular room in the Horde—which there are thousands of. There’s nothing here, really. Only the beds, a few boxes, claw marks on the walls, and—  
  
Oh.  
  
She turned to Melog. “Catra was here, wasn’t she?” Adora walks around, trying to identify them. No, Catra… she didn’t just _came_ here. She _lived_ here—this was their old room. The sheets, the drawings on the walls, she remembers it. It was theirs.  
  
She heards Melog cried for her from the end of the room. “Melog? What’s wrong?” Adora asks, walking over slowly to them to see what was going on—that’s when she saw it.  
  
Catra’s body, curling on the floor at the very end of the room. She looked so lifeless and still, at first Adora thought it was just a heap of unused blanket—but it’s _her._ It _is_ her, it’s her, and she yells her name again for what felt like the millionth time that day. _“Catra?”_  
  
Melog snarls when she tries to get close—Adora doesn’t blame them. She was about to run into her before she saw the bandage on her arm. “I’m not going to hurt her, I promise, Melog—trust me. Please trust me.” She begs. She just needed to touch Catra, anything that could make her sure that she was _really_ there. “Please.”  
  
The cat backs away reluctantly, keeping their eyes on her.  
  
Adora wasted no time to kneel beside Catra’s body, carefully unwrapping her from the blanket cocoon she was in. Catra whines, barely audible for her to hear, but it was there. She was alive—not okay, but at least alive. That was all she needed.  
  
“Can you—can you go get Bow?” Adora asks them. “I know you trust me enough to bring me here—so I’m asking you once again, please. I won’t hurt her. I’ll never hurt her.”  
  
_Oh, will you, Adora?_ The taunting voice in her head asks.  
  
Adora ignores it. “Please, Melog. _Please_ get him. We have to hurry.”  
  
Melog stares at her, as if she was trying to say something to threaten her if she’d ever hurt Catra again. She made sure that Adora gets their message before leaping finally leaping out of the room, leaving her alone with Catra.  
  
Adora felt as hopeless as she was on Prime’s ship.  
  
Looking at Catra, broken and hurt on the floor—and the worst part was knowing that she had caused this. Both of the time she almost— _did_ —lost Catra, it was because of her. Adora remembered holding her body, surrounded by Prime’s clones and being ready to die with her. She remembered holding her body at the ship, knowing that she’d died for a second before she brought her back to life out of sheer will. She had hurt Catra so many times—when will it ever stop? How can she be sure that she won’t hurt her again after this?  
  
“Catra?” She calls for her softly, warm tears pooling on her eyes, “Catra, can you open your eyes for me?”  
  
She watched her wince in pain, like she was trying hard to stay conscious, but Catra didn’t open her eyes. At least Adora knew that she was there—some part of hers, at least. “Hey,” Adora says, scooping her body into her arms carefully, as if she was handling a fragile piece of glass. “Hey, I’m here. Can you hear me? Adora’s here, Catra. I’m here  
  
She could only make out one thing from Catra’s mouth. _I’m sorry.  
  
_“It’s okay,” Adora’s voice finally breaks. “It’s okay. I’m sorry too. We’re going home, okay? I’m taking you home. I’ve got you. I—”  
  
_—Promise,_ she wanted to say, but the words were stuck in her throat. She couldn’t make herself say it—afraid she’s going to break it, again, again and again. When is she ever going to stop?  
  
She doesn’t know. She really don’t.  
  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  
Bow carefully approaches the silent girl sitting beside the window in her room.  
  
Glimmer turns to her head from the window when he sat in front of her. “Hey.” She smiles. “You okay?”  
  
“I’m fine,” He tells her. “You?”  
  
She just shrugs. “How’s… how are they?”  
  
“Catra’s stable, for now. Adora… stays. You know how it is.”  
  
“She doesn’t want to leave?”  
  
“I tried. I’m not going to make her, though.” Bow says. “Are you?”  
  
Glimmer shook her head. “No, I guess not.”  
  
Silence.  
  
Bow knows what’s going on. Of course he does. He always does. He’s been with her since, what, four? He could read her like she’s an open book, even if she tries so hard to close it. It’s a gift, yeah—but sometimes, it’s a curse too. He realizes that when he saw the way Glimmer looks at Adora.  
  
He’d be lying to himself if he says that it didn’t break his heart.  
  
But what else was he supposed to do, anyway? Make the matters worse? Bow knew the reason why Glimmer hated this whole thing so much—she didn’t want Adora to keep chasing someone who doesn’t even want her. Because Glimmer was there, she was _always_ there for her—even if she had to be in the brink of death (not that it didn’t already happened).   
  
Bow could understand her frustration, even if he didn’t want to. He wanted to be selfish for once and stop putting other people’s feelings after his own—but of course he couldn’t. Because that’s what anyone would do if they really loved someone, right? Of course.  
  
But then… Glimmer told him that she loved him, at the spaceship. And then again, when they were getting the fuel crystals for their ship. And again, when they were separated on their mission to save Catra. And _again_ , when they were ready to die on the Heart of Etheria, side by side with Adora. Glimmer could’ve said it to Adora, because she loved her. But she didn’t. She said it to him instead.  
  
Bow didn’t know what to make out of that.  
  
Does it mean that she really loved him? Or does it mean that she had chosen him as her second choice, when she knew that Adora would never choose her? He’d rather not find out at all if that was the case—it would hurt too much.  
  
“You’re thinking,” Glimmer broke the silence. “What’s going on in that head of yours, huh?” she smiles.  
  
Bow shook his head. “Nothing. Just… thinking.” He doesn’t want to talk about this, he really doesn’t—but it feels like his head would explode if he keeps this all to himself for a second longer.  
  
“Yeah, thinking about what?” She chuckles, nudging his shoulder. “C’mon, talk to me. You were always so emotionally repressed.”  
  
“Well, I had to. I didn’t want to ruin things.”  
  
Glimmer frowns at that. “No. Of course it won’t. Talking about your feelings won’t ruin things, Bow.”  
  
“That’s not what I’ve seen so far,” He laughs at that.  
  
“Well, not to me.” She says firmly. “You should speak your mind out, you know. You never do.”  
  
“Nobody would care.”  
  
“Bow, _I_ would.” She’s serious now, he knows it from how her voice shifts. “What makes you think I wouldn’t?”  
  
“Glimmer, if this was a book, I’m not the main the main character, okay!” He finally says it. “ _You’re_ the main character, along with Adora, and Catra—I’m just this comic relief guy nobody cares about. My job is to just be there for the main characters. It always was.”  
  
“No, it’s not! Bow,” Glimmer’s eyes widen. She held his cheek to make him look at her in the eyes. “No, it’s not. Bow, this isn’t a book, and you’re my friend. Of course I would care. Is this… is that what you’ve been feeling the whole time?”  
  
“What else was I supposed to feel?”  
  
“Bow…” There were tears in her eyes. Bow didn’t want this to happen—he knew talking about his feelings was bad. He _knew_ it. “Bow, I’m sorry.”  
  
“ _What?”_

She wraps her arms around his neck. “I’m sorry you felt like that. You were right—I really am a bad friend, aren’t I?”  
  
“No, that’s not what I—”  
  
“—I didn’t say that to make you feel bad. No.” Glimmer cuts him off. “I just—I had to hear it, so that I could stop being one. I’m sorry. I’m really sorry. Listen,” she pulls away, staring right into his eyes, “you’re important, Bow. I care about you, and I’m sorry that I didn’t show that to you. But I _do._ I _really_ do. Talk to me, okay?”  
  
“Okay.” He took a deep breath. “Then tell me.”  
  
“Tell you what?”  
  
“Did you mean it?” Bow asks—he shouldn’t keep pushing his luck, but he does. “When you told me you loved me, on the spaceship, and on the heart—did you really mean it?”  
  
“I… of course I do.” She frowns. “Why wouldn’t I mean it?”  
  
“You loved Adora.” He states. “You always did.”  
  
Glimmer’s breath hitched. “What—how did you—”  
  
“I always knew you, you know, even when you don’t want to be known.” Bow tells her. “I’m not… angry that you do. It’s just that, I didn’t know why you suddenly changed for me.” He looks up at her. “I don’t want to just be the second choice for you, Glimm.”  
  
She stares at him. “Of course you’re not.”  
  
“Then… why? You’ve never loved me before.”  
  
“I have!” Glimmer says. “Just… with different meanings. I loved you as my childhood friend, Bow. And when Adora finally came around to me, it felt like— I don’t know. She was just _so_ beautiful and powerful, and she was my best friend—it was hard not to fall for her. But then… I realized that was all I loved her for. A savior, a friend. I didn’t know anything about her before she was She-ra. And when I saw the way she looks at Catra… it was just final. I know there’s just some unbreakable bond between them that just I don’t understand. I’d be a fool if I thought I could still love her.”  
  
“So that’s true, then? That I’m just your second choice?”   
  
“No! No, I’m not finished yet, listen,” She cups his cheek between her hands. “When Adora decided to come back for Catra back then, risking everything in the universe for her—I knew the only person who’d do that for me too was _you._ I was a complete asshole before I got taken to Prime’s spaceship—you didn’t have to come back for me. But you did.”  
  
“I—of course I would. I couldn’t just leave you.” Bow tells her.  
  
“See? You knew me before all of this even happened, Bow. Just like how Catra had known and loved Adora before she was She-ra.” Glimmer smiles softly. “I love _you_. And I’ll tell you that as many times as you want to make you believe it.”  
  
He presses his forehead against her. _She loves me. She loves me!_ “I’ve loved you for a long time, too.”  
  
She chuckles. “You have? Since when?”  
  
“Since you stood between me and the magical beast attacking us in the Whispering Woods, back when we were seven.” He shrugs. “Remember that? I was completely in _awe_ of you.”  
  
Glimmer laughs. “I guess that’s valid. I _was_ pretty cool back then.”  
  
Bow pulls away to look at her. “So now that we’ve cleared out everything between us, will you talk to Adora?”  
  
“About what, us?”  
  
“No… about you both. You never really had a proper conversation with her after this whole thing.” He says. “You know, the fight before you got taken away, and then the war, and then the fight about Catra—there’s just so many things. You should talk it out, both of you.”  
  
Glimmer shrugs. “I’m not sure she’d even listen.”  
  
“Of _course_ she would. She’s Adora, your best friend—you’ve literally just told me that I should talk to you more often. Why wouldn’t you talk to her, then?”  
  
She sighs. “I guess I can try.”  
  
“And that’s all I need.” He smiles. “Talk to her, okay?”  
  
“I will,” Glimmer nods. She smiles back when she looked up at him. “I love you.”  
  
“I love you, too.”  
  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  
It’s the sixth day since they’ve found Catra, and she have been awake for fifty-four hours and counting.  
  
Adora didn’t once leave her side.  
  
Well, maybe once, when Glimmer practically begged her to take a break. Catra was still unconscious back then—it just felt so _wrong,_ to leave her side. But Glimmer insists for Adora to leave the room with her so that she could at least rest from staring at Catra.  
  
“Hey, nothing’s gonna happen, okay?” Glimmer says. “You have to rest.”  
  
“I’m not leaving her. That’s not good.”  
  
“Catra’s not going to be alone—Bow’s going to watch her while you rest.” She keeps insisting. “Come on, Adora. It’s only going to be for a second.”  
  
“Fine,” Adora sighs, turning to Bow. “Will you tell me if anything happens?”  
  
“I will,” He assures her. “Now go.”  
  
She reluctantly exits the room, Glimmer dragging her arm with her.  
  
Adora knew that something was going on with Glimmer—the way she acted around her while Adora watched her from the other side of the room says it all. Glimmer fidgets with the hem of her skirt nervously, looking like she wants to say something, but doesn’t.  
  
“Glimm?” Adora calls. “Is everything okay?”  
  
The question startles her. “I—yeah. I meant, no, but—” She took a breath and slowly walked over to her. “Adora, look. We need to talk.”  
  
“Okay.” Adora sits up straighter. “About… what?”  
  
“This whole thing… you know. Us.” Glimmer sighs. “We never really talked, you know, after this whole thing went down.”  
  
“What thing?” She asks. “Catra?”  
  
“No, everything. We just… we fought a lot before I got taken by Horde Prime. Remember?”  
  
“Oh.” Adora stares at her. “You… you still remember that?”  
  
“Of course I do—I never stopped feeling bad for what happened.” Glimmer tells her. “I’m sorry, Adora. I never said that to you before. I’m sorry.”  
  
“It’s okay.”  
  
“No, it’s not. Stop saying that. I’m sorry.” She says firmly. “I didn’t mean it, what I said when we fought. You’re not a terrible She-ra. And I know a few apologies won’t fix what happened between us, but—I’d like to try.”  
  
Adora smiles softly. “I’ve always have forgiven you.”  
  
“Why?” Glimmer asks. “You didn’t have to. I was terrible.”  
  
“Glimmer, you’re my best friend—you and Bow were always there until the end with me, and you’ve proved that, at the Heart. You didn’t have to come and die with me there either, but you did.” Adora held her hands, leaning closer to her. “I don’t think a few fights would break us apart.”  
  
“Is that why you were never really worried about… us?”  
  
“Well… not entirely.” She shrugs. “I just… never understood why you hated Catra so much.”  
  
“I don’t _hate_ her,” Glimmer says. “I don’t, I really don’t. I know she’s trying to change for the better, but—I just don’t like how you kept chasing for someone who doesn’t even want you. She left you when you needed her, Adora. And yet you _still_ went after her. I just don’t understand.”  
  
“You don’t have to.” Adora tells her. “Catra and I, there’s just this… I don’t know. We just couldn’t leave each other behind, no matter how hard we tried. It’s always been like that. And she had the right to be angry at me— _I_ was the one who kept leaving her. She left me because she was simply shielding herself from the pain of having to endure that again.”  
  
Glimmer frowns. “But it wasn’t your fault—you were She-ra, you needed to save the world. It’s not like you had a choice. But _she_ does.”  
  
“But she doesn’t understand that, Glimm! All she knew was that I left her for a better place.”  
  
“You asked her to come with you and she didn’t want to!”  
  
“Glimmer, it’s not that simple, okay?” Adora says. “Maybe she was wrong, but she’s changed—she isn’t the same person she was a year ago. At least she’s trying. And I’m trying to love her back, too—you saw how I tried to live without her, and I failed. I just couldn’t. There’s just this… _thing_ that keeps bringing us together again—you don’t have to understand it, Glimm. You just have to accept that it’s there.”  
  
“I know,” Glimmer sighs. “I just… if somehow she _doesn’t_ change… can you promise me you won’t come for her again?”  
  
“Glimm…”  
  
“No, I just—I want you to know your worth. You’re worth more than this, Adora—you deserve someone who actually cares about you, and understands you. And if Catra doesn’t do that, then I want you to stop chasing her, okay?” She squeezes her hand gently. “You should talk to her.”  
  
“I will, when she—”  
  
The door bursts open, startling the two girls apart. Bow was at the door, trying to catch his breaths. “Adora!” He exclaims. “Catra, she’s—”  
  
“What, Bow?”  
  
“She’s awake. Catra’s awake.”  
  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  
Catra have been awake for thirty-eight hours, now.  
  
Adora was with her the whole time—she could feel it, even when she wasn’t fully conscious yet. She felt her hesitantly holding her hand before squeezing it and not letting it go. She felt her softly reaching for her cheek. Her hand gently caressing her arm. Her fingers carding her hair.  
  
She heard the soft muttering of her voice, too, saying god knows what. Catra wished she could know what Adora was saying. She wanted to respond back to her so badly, but her body was completely shut down. She needed to rest—Adora just had to wait for her. She only hoped that Adora wouldn’t leave her while she did.  
  
And Adora didn’t.  
  
When she was finally fully conscious and awake, Adora was on her side—tears streaming down her face, with the same look of relief on her face that she had worn on the day they saved her from Horde Prime. Adora jumped to hug her without a warning before Glimmer let out a loud yelp and told her to be careful.  
  
The rest of the days went on in a haze.  
  
Maybe it was the drugs, or that her mind simply couldn’t believe the fact that she was _here,_ with Adora on her side. They made a few awkward eye contacts with each other, but there was really nothing more than that. What else is there to say? _“Hey, I’m sorry I left you because you were too busy saving the world. Can we be friends again?”  
  
_Over her dead body.  
  
The truth is, there are so many things Catra wanted to say to her. Explanations, apologies—maybe then beg Adora to stay with her. But the words just simply couldn’t get out of her mouth—it stays there, clogging her throat, waiting to turn into regrets.  
  
So, there they were. Sitting in a room silently staring at each other, unsure of what to do, what to say.  
  
Catra wonders how long it would take before she and Adora turn into regrets, too.  
  
It probably has.  
  
  
  


* * *

  
  


“So, are you going to talk, or are you going to keep staring at me from there like a creep?”  
  
Glimmer raises her eyebrows. “Well, hi to you too.”  
  
Catra sighs. “What do you want, Sparkles?”  
  
“So no _“hi, thanks for saving me and bringing me back to Adora, Glimmer,”_ or something like that?” She asks her.  
  
“Not with what you’re about to do with me.”  
  
“What _do_ you think I’m about to do with you?”  
  
“I don’t know. Punish me? Kill me?”  
  
Glimmer wasn’t expecting that answer. Her expression fell almost immediately _._ “No, of course not, why—what makes you think I would do that?”   
  
“I mean, you’re Glimmer.” Catra shrugs. “You do that kind of stuff.”  
  
“I’m not evil, Catra.” She tells her, taking a seat beside her bed. “I wouldn’t… I would never do that.”  
  
“So why are you here acting all scary on me, then?”  
  
“I…” Glimmer sighs. “I want to talk to you. About Adora.”  
  
Catra visibly stiffens at the mention of her name, but didn’t react with anything else. “Okay.”  
  
“I just wanted to ask one thing.” She says. “Why—why did you leave her? You know she needed you.”  
  
“I didn’t.” Catra says. “I didn’t know that she needed me—I mean, she didn’t act like it. She had you and Bow, anyway. I was never needed in the first place.”  
  
“Wh—you’re saying that _Adora_ doesn’t need you?” Glimmer asks in disbelief. “If she doesn’t, she would have left you at Prime’s ship, Catra!”  
  
“I don’t know, I just—I thought she saved me because she was a hero. That’s what she always was. It doesn’t automatically mean she needed me.” She shrugs.  
  
“Okay, well, then—I’ll tell you." Glimmer says. "Adora _needs_ you. And you left because, what, she chose saving the universe over you?”  
  
“I was selfish, okay, I’ll admit it,” Catra says angrily. “But you don’t know how it feels to be left over and over again.”  
  
“Don't talk to me like that! _I_ was the one who held her while she was dying trying to save the world! Bow and I, _we_ were the one who was ready to die with her, at the heart!" Glimmer yells. Did you think she _wants_ to leave you? Did you think she _wants_ to be She-ra? Did you think she wants to be a weapon, a person who has to sacrifice herself over and over again?” Glimmer exclaims. “No! You know damn well she’d choose you if she had a choice, Catra. But she doesn’t. _You_ do. And _you_ chose to leave her when she needed you the most.”  
  
Silence.  
  
Catra stares down at her hands, and Glimmer wonders if she went too far on her.  
  
“I didn’t… I didn’t want to see her die in front of me, knowing I couldn’t do anything about it.” Catra finally spoke up again. “Part of me just wanted to take her away and hide her from the world forever if it would keep her safe.”  
  
“And let the universe gets destroyed?”  
  
“I love her, Glimmer. I loved her _years_ before she was even She-ra. And then suddenly she was, what, a hero? A weapon? Someone who has to keep dying in order to save the universe? And I’m just supposed to watch her sacrifice herself like that?” There were tears on her eyes when she looked up at her. “You loved her too, Glimm. Aren’t you tired of this? Don't you want this to just—stop?”  
  
“I…” Glimmer sighs. “To be honest? Yeah. But… that’s what we’re supposed to do, Catra.”  
  
“What, watch her keep dying?”  
  
“Did you think I _wanted_ to watch her sacrifice herself for the universe? I held her through it, Catra—if I could run away with her and hide her from the world like you said, I would. But I couldn’t.” She tells her. “Being She-ra is something that nobody should endure. It’s a curse, Catra—we both know that. But… so does being the person who loves them.”  
  
“I just, I... I didn’t want her to feel like being She-ra is the only thing she’s worth for. She has a life too, you know—she deserves to have one. She deserves to be loved.”  
  
“Which leads us to our duty.” Glimmer says. “If Adora’s duty is to save the world, then our duty is to save _her_. To make her feel loved, to make her feel like she’s not alone. It’s hard, Catra—but that’s how it is. That’s the price of loving her.”  
  
“I didn’t do my duty very well, then, did I?” Catra laughs halfheartedly. “I ran away when she needed me. Do you—do you really think that she’d be better off without me?”  
  
“You saw her try—in the end, she always came back for you.” She says. “It’s not too late to fix things with her, you know. I don’t know what it is, with you two—there’s just this unbreakable bond between you and Adora that I don’t understand. But I know she loves you. I know that when she was ready to sacrifice the whole universe to save you. And when her dying words was _your_ name. She loves you, Catra. All you have to do is to accept it, and you know, love her back.” Glimmer looks at her. “ _Do you_ love her back?”  
  
Catra answers her without hesitation. “Of course I do.”  
  
“Then show it.” She says. “Tell her that you do.”  
  
Catra shakes her head, taking deep breaths at a time. “God. There’s so much I have to fix, Glimmer.”  
  
“I know.” Glimmer says. “You're going to have a long, long talk, both of you. And you have all the time in the world to do just that.”  
  
Catra nods. “Yeah. I guess we do.”  
  
“Talk to her.” Glimmer stood up from her seat, walking over to the door. “And then maybe, we can all have dumplings for dinner together like normal people do.”  
  
“Yeah. Maybe.” She shrugs. “And oh, Glimmer?”  
  
“Yeah?”  
  
“Are we—are _we_ friends?”  
  
Catra swore she saw Glimmer smirk playfully at her before exiting the room.   
  


“ _Maybe_.”  
  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  
Adora was never close with Entrapta. Not that she didn’t want to, of course, but her brilliant mind and her sometimes destructive ideas had always scared her. Besides, both of them had practically nothing in common—unless they were talking about trauma, of course. She was better off left with Hordak, Wrong Hordak, and her room full of electronics. Which is why she hesitates to think twice before knocking on her door. “Entrapta?”  
  
“Yes?”  
  
“Hey, uh—it’s Adora. I just needed to ask you someth—”  
  
“Yeah, sure, come in!”  
  
Adora frowns. “Oh… okay.” She stepped inside, careful not to step or bump into anything on her way. “Hi, um—are you busy right now?”  
  
Entrapta was sitting in front of her huge computer, resting her goggles on her forehead to look at Adora.  
“Well, yes, but you needed to ask me something. What is it?”  
  
“I, uh—” She shook her head. It was hard not to get distracted by all the noises coming out of the machines around the room. “You told Glimmer you put tracking chips on all of us when we were on our mission to space. Did you—have you take them off from us?”  
  
“Oh, of course I did! Right after you came back from the heart, and everything was fine again—or… not. I put them in your hair so it would be easier to communicate and find each other, but yeah, it’s gone now!” Entrapta smiles cheerfully. “Nothing to worry about!”   
  
“Okay, that’s—that’s good,” Adora sighs in relief. “It’s just—next time you want to put tracking chips on someone, you have to ask them for permission first, okay?”  
  
“Yeah, Glimmer told me about that already.” She dismissed. “I will, no worries.”  
  
“Okay. Great, then.” Adora stands up from her seat. “I’ll see you arou—”  
  
“Adora, wait!” Entrapta stops her. “I—I need to tell you something.”  
  
“What is it?”  
  
“I… I did something bad.” She began, her eyes focused on her hands. “I lied to you, when you were looking for Catra. The chip was working fine—I could have told you her exact location, but I didn’t.”  
  
“Why didn’t you, then?”  
  
“I—I didn’t know if Catra wanted to be found or not, and I didn’t want you to find her if she wasn’t ready because that would make things worse. So… I made you talk to her instead.” Entrapta says. “I don’t know what happened between you two, but—Catra talked to you. She wanted you to find her. She could have just stayed silent, but she didn’t. She wanted to come back to you. And… well, that’s _definitely_ something, I think.”  
  
“I guess it is.” She shrugs, smiling. “Thank you, Entrapta.”  
  
“You’re welcome.” The girl was back to her cheery self again. “You should talk to her, you know—as much as I hate having conversations with anyone, I think it would be good for you talk to her. People like Catra and I—not everyone could understand us. But _you_ could understand me, even if it’s just a little. So, maybe, you could understand her too.”  
  
“Yeah. Maybe.” Adora smiles. “You know, you’re not so bad with feelings yourself. Maybe we should talk more often, don’t you th—”  
  
“—nope! Absolutely not!” Entrapta exclaims, cutting her off. “You can go now, Adora. Thanks for coming by!”  
  
Adora laughs while she walked out of the room. “One day Entrapta, you’re going to join our monthly princess sleepovers. Just you see.”  
  
“Not a chance!” The girl practically pushed her away. “Goodbye, Adora!”  
  
  
  


* * *

  
Perhaps it was because of Catra’s survival instincts that made her a light sleeper, or maybe it was because of the fact that she had been hoping for Adora to come for her— but for some reason, she startled awake when the door creaks open late that night.  
  
Catra stayed still on her position under the covers, not letting her hopes get too high. Maybe it was Bow checking on her, like how he always did since they were in the spaceship. Or maybe it was, she doesn’t know, one of the nurses, making sure that she was okay. But whoever it is, it couldn’t be Adora. Right?  
  
Wrong.  
  
It _is_ her. Catra knows her scent anywhere, even long after she was gone. She remembers the day she used to sleep in Adora’s bed, back at in the Horde—wrapping herself in her blanket, just so that it would feel like Adora was really there. It made her feel less lonely when she woke up half-conscious at night, but when she wakes up in the morning, it would leave her lonelier than ever.  
  
But now, Adora was here. Really here, beside her, climbing into bed with her.  
  
Catra forces herself to stay still, pushing back her sobs down her throat. She didn’t want to ruin the moment.  
  
Adora laid on her side, spooning her, one hand hesitantly reaching for the side of her face. “Catra?” She whispers softly, and that was the final straw.  
  
Catra broke down.  
  
“Hey,” Adora frowns, tugging on her shoulder so that she would face her. “Hey, _hey—_ don’t cry, why are you crying?”  
  
“I—I don’t. I don’t know.” Catra stutters. She grabs on Adora’s shirt, making her lay down beside her. “Stay. Don’t go.”  
  
“I’m not. I’m not going anywhere.” Adora assures her, pulling her closer into her arms. “It’s okay. I’m sorry, did I—did I scare you?”  
  
“No. It’s just, I—it’s—” she couldn’t stop sobbing. “I—I missed this. I missed _you._ ”  
  
If a heart could rip in half physically, Adora’s would. “I know. Me too.”  
  
Catra grabs on her shirt still, sobbing into her chest. “I’m sorry. For—everything.”  
  
“Hey,” Adora says softly, “we don’t have to talk about this right now.”  
  
“I owe you an apology, at least. I was selfish, and I left you when you needed me the most. I’m sorry.” Catra tells her. “I’ll say it to you a million times if I have to.”  
  
“Catra…” Adora sighs. Her hand unconsciously stroked the hair in her forehead, tucking into the back of her ear. “This whole thing, I—it’s complicated, you know. We’ve hurt each other so much…”  
  
“Do you think—do you think it would be better if we stayed away from each other forever?” Catra whispers.  
  
“I tried that, didn’t I?” She let out a small chuckle. “Didn’t exactly work. I don’t think it’s as easy as walking out of a door. I just... as cheesy as it sounds, I just couldn’t live in a world without you, Catra.” Adora tells her. “Can _you_?”  
  
“I tried that too, remember? Not a day passed by without me thinking of you, Adora.” Catra mutters. “We just… couldn’t stay away from each other. I don’t know if that’s a blessing or a curse.”  
  
“I don’t think it’s either one of that.” Adora says. “You know… when we were in the spaceship, along with Glimmer and Bow and Entrapta—it was the happiest moment I felt in all my life. Because you were there, and we weren’t fighting or on each other’s throats anymore—we were just… us. And I want that, Catra. I want that to keep happening forever. Just you and me and nothing else.”  
  
“Do you think we can do that? Stop hurting each other?”  
  
“We can try.” She buries her face on Catra’s shoulder. “Honestly, I don’t… think we’re going to be completely okay, you and me. But we can try. And now that you’re here, and _I’m_ here too—we must be doing something right, this time.”  
  
Silence.  
  
“We still have a lot to talk about, don’t we, Adora?” Catra mutters.  
  
“Yeah. I guess we do.” Adora shrugs. “But, like Glimmer said, we have all the time in the world to do that. I mean, we’re here now, right? not on the opposite side of the war, not trying to save the world, just… _here._ So… I guess we can just stay like this, for now.”  
  
“Yeah.” Catra curls in closer, inhaling her scent as much as she can. Adora’s here. _She’s here—_ not just in her imagination—she’s really here and Catra was in her arms. And when she wakes up, Catra knows she isn’t going to feel lonely anymore. Because she was here, _really_ here. And they have all the time in the world. “Yeah, I guess we can.”  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some inspirations i used for this fic :
> 
> \- [This](https://twitter.com/pearltiddys/status/1247369464343154688) amazing old comic that quite literally punched my heart out of my body  
> \- The song " Soren " by Beabadoobee 
> 
> If you're also interested in commissioning me, go on and check [this](https://lesbian-arsonist-blog.tumblr.com/post/629325455315566592) out !! 
> 
> thanks for reading y'all <333


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